Tag Archives: The Shack On Wheels

#81. Shacks from Space, Part One: Cornfields of Despair

By: Curtis Murphy

I was wandering through the night. I was a long, tall corner-cob, dribbling kernels like recycled paint. My hands were wobbling, like pieces of meat on giant sticks called wrists. Yes, I was shaking. I had the tremors they used to call “shackalitis,” the syndrome you get from going into withdrawal from high-speed shack racing. Shack racing had been banned in our neighbourhood since 1978, ever since Ernie went over a cliff and blasted off into space, singing “Somewhere over the Rainbow” at the top of his lungs as he crossed the warp speed barrier. Scientists say that if you stick a telescope in your ear on a quiet, starry night, you can still hear him singing. I myself was on my way to science-land, crossing the cornfields of despair which prickled my webbed feet as I hoped gingerly along. I was going to become a scientist, the first ever duck-billed, corn-based scientist from West Hoglet. I was going to search for Ernie, and bring him back home.

#78. And They All Howled At The Moon

By: Devin Kira Murphy

All the Buffalo con goers had just gone to the workshop called “Learning About Shake Vehicles” which  featured the infamous, shack on wheels, shack on fines, shack lawn tractor, windup shack on wheels, shack zamboni and not to mention the newly constructed shack bicycle, and now it was time for the next item of the night which was to be presented by Judy Fanny Longtall seeing as it was hear creation/concept
It was to be the communal eating of the pinto bean popcorn, which was a newly engendered variety of popping corn, which contained a pinto bean in each kernel of corn which wen popped would change consistency to reassemble refried been
And all the con goers were to eat some of this popcorn with some salsa flavoured powder on top will watching a how-to movie entitled “How To Fold Laundry While Scuba-diving With The Queen Of England”
But before they could the power went out in the church
Luckily Judy remembered that it was a surprisingly hot winter night and that there was a vary bright full moon out
So she ushered everyone outside and they all howled at the moon

#74. 9 On Friday…

By: Devin Kira Murphy

9 on Friday and all in a minivan
Man ant it all so vary much grand
Well that’s ’till the engine blows smoke

The engine’s blowin’ smoke so we’re pullin’ over
Everyone get out I’m callin’ a tow truck
Thank goodness this minivan is AAA roadside insured

We’ll still arrive at the con on time?
Hell no more like 6 in the mornin’
‘Cause we’re waiting for contact with a rental

Oh my rental has arrived, but something’s wrong
They have given us a Geo Metro car
We’re 7 and Geo Metro hold max 5

So I guess we’re just screwed aren’t we?
No sometimes the shack on wheels sows up
It always gets you to cons on time

And Stephen and Albert bring it to us
Yes there here to save the day again
We’ll get to the con all tied up

Tied up in hay from farmer O’Haybeard’s field
Or maybe with magic lickerish and movie certificates
Who knows how Stephen and Albert do it?

But at least we got to the con
Well with gingerbread slippers on both our feet
And hot papers growin’ out of our ears

#57. We Never Should Have Bout It Over The Internet

By: Curtis Murphy

We never should have bought it over the internet
We never should have logged on to www. shackrepair .com and bought those out-of-date fluorescent green shingles
We never should have paid by credit card for special delivery on the next business day
We should have known that they would never get here on time, because their courier was driving an old boot with a broken skateboard attached to the bottom
We should have fixed the shack ourselves using the leftover duct tape from the young adult group’s tuxedo-making-and-french-toast-grill-off event
We never should have listened to the voices in Albert’s head, even though they were right when they told us that the screaming chicken factory in Niagara Falls Ontario was a bad place to hold a con
But this time they were wrong
And now the shack is ruined
Or is it…?

#46. We Never Should Have Bought It

By: Devin Murphy

What’s up with this vehicle?
It takes us ‘round
It haphazardly takes us ‘round our little world
We never should have bought it
What’s up with this home?
It keeps us warmer
It barely keeps us warmer then it’s outside
We never should have bought it
We bought it from Fritz’s Motor-Shack Liquidation World on Old Side-Road 13
We couldn’t get it insured
Yeah, we couldn’t even get it certified safe enough for use on any kind of roadway

What’s up with this vehicle?
It speeds us ‘round
It dangerously speeds us ’round our little world
We never should have bought it
What’s up with this home?
It keeps us colder
It barely keeps us colder then it’s outside
We never should have bought it
We should have bought from Mike’s Motorhome Superstore on Highway 1, yeah, instead
We’d get a motorhome insured
Yeah we’d even get a motorhome certified safe enough for use on any kind of roadway

What’s up with this vehicle?
What’s up with this home?
It moves us ‘round
It keeps us sweaty
It crankily moves us ‘round our little world
It really keeps us sweaty and very goosebumpy
We never should of bought it
We bought, we did, The Shack On Wheels from Fritz’s Motor-Shack Liquidation World
We never should have bought it

#36. Everything’s Changing

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Everything’s Changing
Frank now with Betty
Everything’s Changing
Clowie’s now in YG
Everything’s Changing
Judy’s going to the theologian school
Everything’s Changing
Judy’s YG friends there going to the theologian school
Everything’s Changing
Bill had an accident
Everything’s Changing
The shack it crashed
Everything’s Changing
Bill he lost his chicken suit
Everything’s Changing
The shack on wheels it had to be white-washed
Everything’s Changing
Teena’s now dating Albert
Everything’s Changing
Their seeing the gnomes
Everything’s Changing
Seeing gnomes but not with Stephen
Everything’s Changing
Everything’s Changing, everything’s Changing, everything’s, changing, changing changing!!!
Everything’s Changing
Ah, ah, ahhhhhhhh!!!
Everything’s Changing…!!!

#31. Shack On Wheels

By: Devin Kira Murphy with a vary vary small amount of help from Joel Fox

Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels

The shack on wheels has walls
It has walls
It has walls
It has walls that won’t ever fall dawn

Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels

The shack on wheels has a roof
It has a roof
It has a roof
It has a roof that won’t ever fall dawn

Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels

The shack on wheels it has a floor
It has a floor
It has a floor
It has a floor that won’t ever fall to the ground

Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels

The shack on wheels is a shack on wheels

Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels
Shack on wheels

#23. Go Judy Go!!!

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Curtis Murphy

Who the hell goes to a con in a hatchback?
Judy does
The trip was paid for by Bill
What a thrill
The hatchback was painted an inappropriate colour of green
Some of the older members of the congregation found it offensive
That’s because they have bad taste
That was just Judy’s opinion
Her opinion of the food served at the neighbourhood potluck
The food was missing the dainty mixture of spices from east and west, which appealed to the crude taste of hipper youth group members
Damn Judy was mad
The green hatchback was roaring down Boundary Road, past the so-called sea shell gas station
They were trying to get to the con before the ridiculous 4:02pm lock in time
Who the hell has a lock in at 4:02 anyway?
Just then the shack on wheels showed up with Stephen and Albert to save the day
The shack always gets you there on time
But sometimes you arrive tied up in rough hay from a farmers field
But other times you arrive with a pack of licorice and free movie rentals for all your guests
When they got there, Bill put on his chicken suit, and prepared to storm the doors with Stephen and Albert
Who the hell are those guys anyway?
That’s when they were hit by sponges
At first, Judy was angry
Then she got excited
It was time for a lawsuit
She hadn’t filed one of those in weeks
They piled back into the shack, and headed for the offices of their favourite law firm, Ojie-Mulloid Touche And Wife
Ojie-Mulloid Touche was there to greet them with flippers on
But who the fuck is his wife anyway?
She’s always at the North Pole
I sure hope she gets her act together this year or a lot of little children are going to be very disappointed
Disappointed if they don’t hear the screeching of the shack on wheels pulled by eight tiny jarks on their roof that special morning
But Mrs. Touche came through big time, bringing them all gift certificates printed on fresh Swiss cheese
Of course they were gift certificates to the underground dining sensation, Broneil’s All Day Breakfast Falafel Emporium

P.S. Judy will now be taking a break for the holiday season, but she will return in the new year to try her case on the popular prime-time TV show, Judging Judy, featuring cases BY Judy’s or AGAINST Judy’s

Ho Ho Ho, Go Judy Go!

#15. Ramshackle Artist From Africa

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Joel Fox

The lakes were freezing over and the fish were singing and the storks were cozy in their nests
A frog-legged vision flashed on the horizon
20 goslings where chattering their teeth, but I was not scared in fact I was jubilant
It was music to my ears
The beat was 1,2,1,3,1,2,1,3…
Slowly I opened my eyes
Bill was there in his chicken suit
He had come to bring me to the shack on wheels
And he had come with slops of pig, salamander and chive
We climbed in to the shack on wheels and only to find Judy inside mumbling the Hooters theme song
Then hell broke loose as the shack went in to high gear
It left behind two millimetres of tire for the little chickens in the church out back
Half way along the ride Bill turned his head to find not only Stephen, but Stephen and Albert following them in a glocktrucker
Wim-bam the shack on wheels had run out of gas
So it was to the escape boats
Sniff, sniff Bill looked at Judy and Judy looked at the lack of water on the ground
The magpies where lodged in the wooden frames
There were only 7 ways to get out of this alive and luckily Bill or Judy knew none of them
But they could still become an elephantfish if they…could only…
That’s when Judy ran out of ink
She was forced to use the sole of her melting shoe to write the ransom note
She then became witchy almost bitchy, and that’s when she gave birth
It had alien wings, a spare wig and it came with it’s own flirting utensils
At that moment Judy remembered the lake was frozen and as the ice began to crack, she fell in
Then that’s when Bill went home to his wife and mother of 4 weeks
The reindeer were getting closer as Bill put on and took off his socks
Just then the vision ended and as it did Judy got one last glance of her baby drooling on the 7th century carpet

#14. Judy Was A…

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Curtis Murphy

Judy was a teacher
Judy was a preacher
Judy was a screecher
And Judy was meandering on a two speed scooter, to Hooters
Judy never got there
Judy never will,
says Bill
that oafish elf of a man
who in his times of non-controllable action,
gave Judy some screech
a breach, of the rules
even though they weren’t at a con
they were at a party in the shack, out back
Bill and his rubber chicken…
The shack is on wheels
And is heading to Hooters
And he too will never get there
To visit Judy
who is a teacher
and a preacher
and a screecher
and also his mother
And they are riding off together into the sunset
in the shack on wheels