Tag Archives: love

#70. Judy Is On The Toaster

By: Devin Kira Murphy, With Tittle By: Joel Fox

Judy did you us a branding iron on the toaster, my toaster?
And was it one with the image of you?
YES YOU DID!!!
So Judy you are on the toaster, my toaster!
Thous making it hard for me to ever forget you,
And yes it will last for a vary long time,
Seeing as I just bought it last week!
THANKS JUDY!!!
-Frank

#67. Judy Is A Fruit Loop

By: Curtis Murphy

Judy is a snooper
Judy is a drooper
Judy is a trooper
Judy likes her Fruit Loops with milk in the morning, and juice in the nighttime
Judy is a Fruit Loop up till that bastard Frank came along and ate her up, and left me barely a crumb
It is a stale crumb but I savour it
I also cherish its reward: the raw spot I have on my ass from carrying it around in my back pocket for so many years

#66. I’m Still Wormy For You Judy

By: Joel Fox

Judy, my princess,
my darling,
my love,
I’ve been wanting you to know…
In case I’ve forgotten to…
Have I told you?…
Well…
I’ve got worms, Judy!
I’VE GOT WORMS!
-gummy worms, that is.
Lots and LOTS of gummy worms
-and I want to share them with YOU!
I want you to get all wormy with me, Judy!
I want you to get all wormy and squirmy with me, Judy!
And we’ll have a yummy gummy good time!

#29. My After Love Making Feelings My Love

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Oh Judy,
I want more of your kisses even though they feel like deflating beachballs against my lips
Oh Judy,
I want more of your touching, even though that feels like an electric sander rubbing hard against my skin
I want more of you
Yes I want more of your loving
Oh Judy, why did you stop…
Oh Judy, Why did you stop your love-making last Saturday at 5:16:02pm
Oh these are just my after-love-making feelings, my love
Oh why did you stop your love-making last Saturday at 5:16:02pm
Can’t you see, Judy, I wasn’t satisfied with 9 hours of love- making?
-Sincerely, Your Hunk

P.S. Call me – I want to know how Tuesday sounds for our next love-making session
Oh – and my phone number is still 123-4567

#28. Who’s The Hell Is Frank’s?

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Who’s the hell is Frank’s?
Not yours Judy
Not yours Judy
Judy’s -no, no he is not Judy’s
He is Betty’s!
He is Betty’s!
He is Betty’s, so go away Judy, ‘cause you have already lost the chance to claim his love and have him all to yourself
Go away and leave Betty alone
Go leave Betty alone with Frank
Oh, if you do go bother Betty, Judy, you better be prepared to fight her
Yes Judy if you go bother Betty you will end up fighting with her over Frank
So Judy don’t go visit Betty
Yes, hell right, Judy
Frank is Betty’s

#27. Frank Loves…Who???

By: Joel Fox

Finally, the day had come . . . where Judy was to graduate from youth group
Whoosh!
She had graduated now and so had all her buddies
Now it was time to think about the future
She thought about becoming a minister – she asked her close friend, Betty, if she should
Betty is going to be a minister too!
Well, thanks, Betty
Judy calls up her long-time penpal, Frank . . . he is going to be a minister too!
But what he doesn’t tell her is that he’s only doing it because Betty is doing it
Oh my god!
Frank is in love with Betty – all this time he had thought “Judy” was her name!
But does he realize it yet?

#12. I Don’t Want To Get Up…

By: Devin Kira Murphy

I don’t want to get up today if all they’re going to do is make me get dressed to impress those jerks I know
I don’t want to get up today if all they’re going to do is make me sing another round of that old song The Star Spangled Banner and pledging my allegiance to the stars and stripes and the land of the free again
I don’t want to get up today if I have to hear about how we freed ourselves from the British in some old war called the War of Independence and I don’t want to learn how to measure in imperial that outdated system
Don’t they know the rest of the world uses the metric system
And yes I do want to get up if I can go see my baby in the land of the true north strong and free and the maple leaf and beaver tails
Yes beaver tails those cinnamon sugary doughy treats, man I do want one
And Yes I do want to get up if I can leave this Buffalo suburb and go to the capital of Canada and see my baby, yes the one I met at the last Ottawa con
Yes Ottawa is the capital of Canada, not Toronto
You see I’m not ignorant about Canada
Oh how I do want to see my baby, oh I do love him so, oh I do love, love him so
Oh I don’t want to get up today if all they’re going to do is make me get dressed to impress those jerks I know

#3. Frank To Judy

By: Devin Kira Murphy, with help from Joel Fox

Dear Judy,
I saw a picture of you with your new hunk
How could you?
You ill-minded, woman!
Stop thinking those sick thoughts about sick people!
He is sick isn’t he?
That is why I don’t want you any more
You…you-Oh my god
Wait…I know how you can solve this dilemma: Dump him
That’s right you can dump him before he can warp your mind and get you hooked on…
That’s right his sweet, sweet lovin’, lovin’ of going to juice shops and buying exotic varieties of freshly squeezed and blended juices
How do I know he likes exotic juices?
Well I found a letter from him to you when I was over visiting you last month
In it he said he had found a most excellent juice shop near his house and he wants to take you there when you come to visit
And he also said in the letter that they sell the best varieties of juice he had ever tried like, kiwi-lime- strawberry and orange-grape-avocado with hot chiles
So I guess I’m just saying dump him
Yes, Judy dump him before he can warp your mind!
Oh who the hell likes orange-grape-avocado juice with hot chiles any way!
So he is weird and sick isn’t he?
That’s right he has the worst taste in juice
So just dump him
Dump your hunk!

P.S. Don’t go visit him ever again
That’s an order!
I love you Judy
-Frank