Tag Archives: Glenn

#62. Glenn Was Born On An Urban Landfill

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Oh what a thrill, a thrill
Glenn was born on a hill
Oh the hill wasn’t called blueberry
Oh the hill wasn’t called blueberry ’cause it was an urban landfill

Oh what a thrill Glenn was born next to the spills of discarded piles and pant
Oh what a thrill Glenn he came out shouting like a rocket destined for outer space

His mom cut him lows from her with her trusty pocket knife
His mom named him Glenn after the singer on the record cover lying under her feet

Glenn he was born on an urban landfill

#34. Judy Was Lost At Sea

By: Curtis Murphy

Judy was lost at sea
She went on an excursion to find herself, but instead she got lost
Lost at sea
Judy went overboard
She went overboard on the chocolate Snicker-snacks and those miniature candy bars
She got sick and slept all night long
The next day she got up and fell off the ship
It seemed hopeless until she was rescued by Stephen and Albert in the newly modified shack on fins
They plucked her from the icy waves and bore her south-east, to a tropical island paradise
They were greeted there by Frank and Glenn on their aquatic sea-bicycle built for two
Frank waved, and then pointed to a vessel on the horizon
Someone was coming…

#33. Glenn In Hospital

By: Devin Kira Murphy

I know yesterday I lay on a hospital bed which was lumpy but, today I walk these streets with know clue of how I got here
How did I got on these windy streets of gold and copper pave?
How did I leave the hospital room of drab white?
Why are there maple syrup stands on every corner where the streets intersect?
Oh how I do love maple syrup and wish I did have money to purchase some
Oh how did I get on these windy streets of gold and copper pave and why am I smelling the sweet scent of coconut in the air?
Oh how did I get here?
Oh how did I get here?
Oh how did I hurt my head?
Oh I do love maple syrup
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah my head
Ah my head
Oh why is the bed so lumpy and the room so white?
Help, help, help, help…

#25. Glenn Falls Into A Disillusioned State Of Mined

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Glenn was in Peterborough attending the CUC’s Annual General Meeting as a delegate for his congregation
He was there voting on many CUC resolutions but,
But that was until the caffeine he had consumed to help him stay awake wore off, leaving him to fall into a disillusioned state of mind
He had needed the caffeine not just to help him function in an alert state at the CUC’s Annual General Meeting, but to stay awake at CanUUdle the CUC’s annual national youth conference witch he was attending in the evenings and at nighttime
The sudden lack of caffeine in his system caused him to start to hallucinate
He hallucinated that he was God and that he was able to change voting delegates’ votes with his godly powers
He even thought he was able to turn delegates in to talking cows and make them wear pink tutus with his godly powers
But Glenn had to be hauled out of the voting room wen we started yelling “I can make you all nude ‘cause I am God almighty!”
He was hold out to the places ware he was staying, the Peterborough church
When he got there he proceeded to tell all the other youth how much fun it was to be God and if he killed himself he could bring himself back to life
Wen others asked him who he could do this he said “because I am God almighty, YOU IDIOTS!”
That’s when things got worse for Glenn
He went to the church’s kitchen grabbed a knife and pointed it at himself and yelled “watch me kill myself!”
But before he could one of the adults who was acting as a youth advisor intervened and stopped Glenn from committing suicide
But that was not the end of Glenn’s troubles
You see as the advisor grabbed the knife from his hands he hit his head against the wall and fell in to a coma
Glenn was rushed to Peterborough General Hospital and to this day he has not regained consciousness

P.S. We all wish Glenn a speedy recovery

#17. And It Hurts

By: Devin Kira Murphy

What’s going through your head, red, time for bed?
Ned use your head
It hurts, not now Ned
It’s time for bed!
Red red, I should have read the sign on the wall
Yes, the sign down the hall
Fall, fall, fall in love with Judy and her story of being stuck out of sync with normal time
Well, yes, you’re in a bind and once again Ned, remember – use your head
And it hurts, not, not now Ned
I said wait for Fred, Frank, Glenn and Marcel Craig
And while we’re waiting, let’s go read the sign on the wall way down the hall
Come follow me down the hall, now don’t fall
No Ned, I said we have to wait for Fred, Frank, Glenn and Marcel Craig
Well, ok – we can start now, even though they aren’t here
…Yes, oh yes, that is good Ned, oh so good

#16. Frank And Glenn Ride A Bicycle Built For Two

By: Devin Kira Murphy, with title by Joel Fox

Two,
Yes, it was two
Yes, it was two in the afternoon and Frank and Glenn were heading out on their maiden voyage on a bicycle built for two
Yes, it was a bicycle built for two from Lemons’ Weird Wheel Mobile Emporium
It had one huge wheel on the front, kind of like on those old-fashioned bikes, and one very small wheel on the back
The small wheel on the back resembled a single training wheel
The seats were made of duct tape and the frame was made of discarded bits of two-by-fours
Glenn was wearing one shoe and one flipper
Frank had a harpoon tied around his waste
They were singing “Go Now In Peace” in opera style
They were pulling a 42 metric ton barbell
Glenn was wearing one shoe and one flipper and nothing else
Frank had a harpoon tied around his waste, but that was not all he was wearing – he was also wearing a TV as a shirt and mosquito netting pants
They were going a millimetre an hour
They were a sad bunch, but man, they were funny
Well, that was until Glenn had to go,
Go get a cardboard strainer full of baking soda and dump it all down Frank’s pants
That’s when they started to try to fight, but before they could they fell down laughing and this caused each of them to have a heart attack
Through it all somehow they managed to continue to sing “Go Now In Peace” in opera style
They were rushed to the nearest hospital
At the hospital Frank and Glenn proceeded to give all the patients free botany lessons and hook them all on “Go Now In Peace” in opera style
They also proceeded to die 5 times a piece, but each time the big cheese felt it was his duty to give them their lives back and to this day, or at least just ’til the end of that day, they rode a bicycle built for two right into the bottom of the Atlantic ocean – or was it a bottomless puddle?

#10. How Glenn Met Judy

By: Devin Kira Murphy, with title by Curtis Murphy

I met Judy in a park
I met Judy in the dark
I met Judy in a cart
I met Judy in a cart in an empty pool in a dark park

I met Judy on a hill oh what a thrill
I met Judy in a store oh what a roar

I met Judy in a park
I met Judy in the dark
I found Judy in a pill

#7. Judy Is…

By: Devin Kira Murphy, with some help from Joel Fox

Judy is a virgin
Judy is a giantess
Judy has only done it lost in the woods style and she is under age
Judy is also under the bed right now with…
Judy is so understanding
Judy was so understanding when I said I saw her under the bed with Glenn doing it commando style, wait I thought that she had only done it lost in the woods style
Mish mash goes my mind, mish mash goes my mind
Oh my Judy where are my petting utensils?
Oh wait they must have been under the bed with you and Glenn
And who is Glenn anyway!
You bitch Judy!
Judy is a bitch
Judy is a giantess
She has only done it lost in the woods style
And Judy is a virgin
Mish mash goes me mind
Mish mash goes me mind

#6. Judy It’s Over!!!

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Yo Judy this e-mail is to tell you that you should stay with your con buddy. I can’t keep being the third wheel in your love triangle. That’s right I’m saying stay with your little conference bastard Glenn!!! I did enjoy getting lost in the woods with you and him, but I don’t think it will work, me, you and him together I mean. But you do have a sister right, right. Could I meet her maybe it will work me with her? Oh who knows but, it is over me and you.-Frank