Tag Archives: e-mail

#9. And They Are Out Of Bagels

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Tick tock goes the hands of my internal clock telling me it is time to check my e-mail
Wish-wash goes the water drops
Yes, the ones that make up the water in my bathtub
Rub rub goes the hands of my masseuse as she gives me the most piercing massage I have ever received
Rumble rumble goes my stomach as it tells me that I am hungry
Think think goes the thoughts of my mind trying to tell me that I should go and get out of the tub and tell my masseuse that it is time to e-mail Frank
But I don’t – I stay in the tub with my nagging internal clock and the sounds of the water drops and my rumbling tummy and my masseuse still massaging me
But, wait, it is all a dream and they are out of bagels and it is only Judy that is massaging me and I’m tired

#6. Judy It’s Over!!!

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Yo Judy this e-mail is to tell you that you should stay with your con buddy. I can’t keep being the third wheel in your love triangle. That’s right I’m saying stay with your little conference bastard Glenn!!! I did enjoy getting lost in the woods with you and him, but I don’t think it will work, me, you and him together I mean. But you do have a sister right, right. Could I meet her maybe it will work me with her? Oh who knows but, it is over me and you.-Frank

#5. Frankly, I’m Sick Of Judy

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Joel Fox, with some help from Curtis Murphy

Frankly, I’m sick of Judy
She is not a coffee table, or an overcoat worn and weathered
She is a bad, bad girl
She is not right
She has too much bite
She has not yet flown a kite
But she is still e-mailing Frank
I thought he was put away in the bank
Come over here and give me a spank
That’s right woman…
I love you, Judy,
But I’m sick of Frank
So come outside
So we can spank…together commando style or even lost-in-the- wilderness style
Come on…tell me a secret…what does this Frank character look like?
He is a bookworm
He doesn’t get outside much
He needs a friend
He is lost in the wilderness
And I want to get lost with him
Why can’t I get lost with you?
Because I love him…
I love his brown triangular spectacles and the way he flaunts his follicle-challenged head up next to my bosom every time I see him
I am still lost without him
Judy, get lost!
With Frank…and take me with you
Then we really will be lost-in-the wilderness…with Frank
P.S. Stop e-mailing Frank…but give me his number
P.P.S. I’m falling for Frank…please catch me Judy
P.P.R.S. I know you were coming and I baked you a cake
I sensed you
Just then, the doorbell rang
It was Frank
Hello! Hello! Are we going out to do it commando-style?
All of a sudden we were outside rubbing our heads up against her flaming bosom even though she had a flaming rash
But we forgave her

P.S. You can e-mail Frank whenever you want
Judy just spank me harder next time