Tag Archives: Bill

#64. Too Many Stray Sheep On The Road

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Joel Fox

Judy, this isn’t working for me…
We need more hay
The pig’s in the barrel and the dog’s out with Darrell and who the hell is Darrell, anyway?
Wasn’t his name Fred?
Or was it Fredly?-the one who opened a reverse- osmosis pottery barn, and illegally served Bin, the shepherd from way out on Goth Street, East Side?
The East Side was where they had too many stray sheep on the road!
Stray Sheep was a new brand name of tiers, as seen on Judging Judy, The Albert Show, featuring the omnipresent societal outcasts, Stephen and Bill Watterington, and Blowing Bubbles with Marcel Craig/Marcel Creig’s Blowing Bobbles Hour/Bubble Up Hour/Fine Dining In A Bubble/Bubbling For Tongue For Dinner and Channel 6 News
Marcel Craig had abandoned his yarn newerg prang-prang-prang-prang-prang-prang-prang-prang! and slithered around the bend of life and into someone he never ever knew was there and then went into a vivid picture of someone he thought was there, but wasn’t Prang, prang!

Pssst! Editor here-these are all the improvements the “authors” repeatedly nixed

-It was “North Street” –Not “Gorth Street”
-Bin had actually been the host of the well-loved “Popcorn Hour” aired every day of the week inclooding Monday which was it’s day off for rest a PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG PRANG!

P.S. Prang is my mistres and erotic Kitchen-Aide comfort -and she smalls of like beets


#23. Go Judy Go!!!

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Curtis Murphy

Who the hell goes to a con in a hatchback?
Judy does
The trip was paid for by Bill
What a thrill
The hatchback was painted an inappropriate colour of green
Some of the older members of the congregation found it offensive
That’s because they have bad taste
That was just Judy’s opinion
Her opinion of the food served at the neighbourhood potluck
The food was missing the dainty mixture of spices from east and west, which appealed to the crude taste of hipper youth group members
Damn Judy was mad
The green hatchback was roaring down Boundary Road, past the so-called sea shell gas station
They were trying to get to the con before the ridiculous 4:02pm lock in time
Who the hell has a lock in at 4:02 anyway?
Just then the shack on wheels showed up with Stephen and Albert to save the day
The shack always gets you there on time
But sometimes you arrive tied up in rough hay from a farmers field
But other times you arrive with a pack of licorice and free movie rentals for all your guests
When they got there, Bill put on his chicken suit, and prepared to storm the doors with Stephen and Albert
Who the hell are those guys anyway?
That’s when they were hit by sponges
At first, Judy was angry
Then she got excited
It was time for a lawsuit
She hadn’t filed one of those in weeks
They piled back into the shack, and headed for the offices of their favourite law firm, Ojie-Mulloid Touche And Wife
Ojie-Mulloid Touche was there to greet them with flippers on
But who the fuck is his wife anyway?
She’s always at the North Pole
I sure hope she gets her act together this year or a lot of little children are going to be very disappointed
Disappointed if they don’t hear the screeching of the shack on wheels pulled by eight tiny jarks on their roof that special morning
But Mrs. Touche came through big time, bringing them all gift certificates printed on fresh Swiss cheese
Of course they were gift certificates to the underground dining sensation, Broneil’s All Day Breakfast Falafel Emporium

P.S. Judy will now be taking a break for the holiday season, but she will return in the new year to try her case on the popular prime-time TV show, Judging Judy, featuring cases BY Judy’s or AGAINST Judy’s

Ho Ho Ho, Go Judy Go!

#20. Not Now Judy

By: Devin Kira Murphy

Not now Judy, not now I’m writing a poem
Wait till we’re in the wilderness
Not now Judy, not now
I said I’m so tired Judy, stop using that pole
Go back to the crib in the cave you were born in
No not now we have to wait for Bill,
Then we can have a thrill on the hill by Pronto in Russell
No wait, the hill is in Maple Park and Albert and Stephen are waiting there in the rain and the dark
Just then a dog leaped up…
Not now Judy I’m writing a poem

#15. Ramshackle Artist From Africa

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Joel Fox

The lakes were freezing over and the fish were singing and the storks were cozy in their nests
A frog-legged vision flashed on the horizon
20 goslings where chattering their teeth, but I was not scared in fact I was jubilant
It was music to my ears
The beat was 1,2,1,3,1,2,1,3…
Slowly I opened my eyes
Bill was there in his chicken suit
He had come to bring me to the shack on wheels
And he had come with slops of pig, salamander and chive
We climbed in to the shack on wheels and only to find Judy inside mumbling the Hooters theme song
Then hell broke loose as the shack went in to high gear
It left behind two millimetres of tire for the little chickens in the church out back
Half way along the ride Bill turned his head to find not only Stephen, but Stephen and Albert following them in a glocktrucker
Wim-bam the shack on wheels had run out of gas
So it was to the escape boats
Sniff, sniff Bill looked at Judy and Judy looked at the lack of water on the ground
The magpies where lodged in the wooden frames
There were only 7 ways to get out of this alive and luckily Bill or Judy knew none of them
But they could still become an elephantfish if they…could only…
That’s when Judy ran out of ink
She was forced to use the sole of her melting shoe to write the ransom note
She then became witchy almost bitchy, and that’s when she gave birth
It had alien wings, a spare wig and it came with it’s own flirting utensils
At that moment Judy remembered the lake was frozen and as the ice began to crack, she fell in
Then that’s when Bill went home to his wife and mother of 4 weeks
The reindeer were getting closer as Bill put on and took off his socks
Just then the vision ended and as it did Judy got one last glance of her baby drooling on the 7th century carpet

#14. Judy Was A…

By: Devin Kira Murphy & Curtis Murphy

Judy was a teacher
Judy was a preacher
Judy was a screecher
And Judy was meandering on a two speed scooter, to Hooters
Judy never got there
Judy never will,
says Bill
that oafish elf of a man
who in his times of non-controllable action,
gave Judy some screech
a breach, of the rules
even though they weren’t at a con
they were at a party in the shack, out back
Bill and his rubber chicken…
The shack is on wheels
And is heading to Hooters
And he too will never get there
To visit Judy
who is a teacher
and a preacher
and a screecher
and also his mother
And they are riding off together into the sunset
in the shack on wheels