By: Devin Kira Murphy, with help from Joel Fox
I saw a picture of you with your new hunk
How could you?
You ill-minded, woman!
Stop thinking those sick thoughts about sick people!
He is sick isn’t he?
That is why I don’t want you any more
You…you-Oh my god
Wait…I know how you can solve this dilemma: Dump him
That’s right you can dump him before he can warp your mind and get you hooked on…
That’s right his sweet, sweet lovin’, lovin’ of going to juice shops and buying exotic varieties of freshly squeezed and blended juices
How do I know he likes exotic juices?
Well I found a letter from him to you when I was over visiting you last month
In it he said he had found a most excellent juice shop near his house and he wants to take you there when you come to visit
And he also said in the letter that they sell the best varieties of juice he had ever tried like, kiwi-lime- strawberry and orange-grape-avocado with hot chiles
So I guess I’m just saying dump him
Yes, Judy dump him before he can warp your mind!
Oh who the hell likes orange-grape-avocado juice with hot chiles any way!
So he is weird and sick isn’t he?
That’s right he has the worst taste in juice
So just dump him
Dump your hunk!
P.S. Don’t go visit him ever again
That’s an order!
I love you Judy